Discussion of "Thou Shalt Not Kill (3)" by xvoorheesx

Wait what? That doesn't sound right. Why would she collapse to the floor because Franco picked her up?? She never suspected Franco of being the killer and had no reason to. Unless she collapsed for some different reason, Adara thinking that Franco was the one that had phoned her would make no sense. And when I got to the yoga part I started laughing cause on the side there were some yoga adds. Well either way this story you have wrote barely furthers our story and would have to be revised in order to even make sense.

I think it was a good try but like rock said it hasn't really furthered the story any (even though there are all those other side stories) try to keep in mind what the reader already knows. I ususally open a seperate tab to keep the last chapter nearby so I check it. I don't like to contradict the previous author's story. Of course you can, if you want to. Who am I to stiffle anyone's imagination? keep writing.

True. Thanks for the imput both of you...I realize its nowhere near my best stuff, but I just wanted to submit something that could take the story a couple different ways. I'm brand new to this site and I read both chapters and wrote a chapter in less than an hour yesterday while I was at work.

My thinking with Marco was, that since all we know about him was he feels like the odd one out, and him and Adara got into an arguement the night before. We don't know the level of his inner feelings, nor the arguement, so I was trying to open a new door to take the story, because that's what I thought this site was all about.

*I mean Franco* Sorry....I work with someone named Marco and he was walking passed me as I was typing the above comment. Ha!