Discussion of "Pacify Me" by honeygloom

I feel like there is something missing from this, maybe someone can tell me what it is...

The writing was excellent, as always. As for what's missing, I'm not sure. There were a couple of things that troubled me. It seemed unreasonable for Benny to kowtow to Bethany so quickly. You could have approached it from a couple of ways, either by adding some sort of back story wherein she bested him before; or, turned it completely around so that he pined for her and was willing to endure her threats. The other thing was that he seemed a little too detached about the murder of his friend. Being undead, I always imagined that vampires take true death very seriously. Just some thoughts.

Well written, but I just felt you didn't explore Benny enough.

Thanks to you both for the comments! I really appreciate them. Benny definitely needs more development, you are right about that. And then the dynamic between he and Bethany needs more of a backdrop as well. I can totally see that now. Thanks for your help.
Maybe I can fix all that in the next chapter.
Thanks again!

check the new entry on my profile page please

The only thing missing is my 5!
I always hoped you would one day MASH this! It needed your voice.
While I don’t think it was necessarily one of your strongest chapters, (wasn’t one of mine either to begin with), it was still what I had hoped for in terms of direction. I had this sort of vision of a Vampire ‘Kill Bill’ where she would hunt down each involved and FIGHT them! You hit it.
There was a bit near the middle where it got slightly confusing as you drunkenly mixed Kirk and Benny in your wording. No biggie.
Thanks for taking this one on. I totally plan on jumping back in, now that you’re here, if you have something ready beforehand don’t hesitate to post it!!

Jump on in, the water's fine:) I was hoping to entice you into a new mash... I'm feeling an end in sight to Searching (can't say why really, just intuition). I've been ticked off at myself all day for rushing to publish, but sometimes Jack is too persuasive and all my will power vanishes once the liquidy burn hits my tummy. Oh well...
Thanks for the 5:)

Another exquisite piece of writing, honeygloom. I generally read fast and simply for the enjoyment of the story, the thrill of the chase, excusing or overseeing mistakes (except gross grammar). Therefore, I'm a lousy critic. But, even so, I can differentiate between good, bad and great writing. This, obviously is great and worth every single point on all five stars....25!!