Discussion of "Paul is Dead" by crystalfoo

Great description, compelling emotional characters and a curious plot indeed. A good read and a great start.

Very well-written and intriguing. You set the scene and characters beautifully. I'm a little troubled by some of the reactions - Evelyn, upon hearing her son's dead reacts with outrage and disbelief? Where is the grief? Then she feels the hot tears, so grief comes afterward?
Also, you say she was searching for Hale for two decades, and for Paul for 20 years. Did you mean she was searching for both of them? Were they together? I'm not sure how much of that you left deliberately ambiguous, and how much I'm just missing.
Other than those nitpicks, I really liked it, and think it would be fun to mash off of. Well done!

I think grief won't be the first thing that came to a person when a loved one is dead. The first would be shock, denial and disbelief. And later grief would come.

I think your dscription was fascinating. I liked the sotry line, but would like it a little longer. I just wanted to read more.

I like it. One of the better stories on the front page.

So intense! I was with wolfram, I had so many questions. But I decided near the end just to hold them and enjoy. With any luck you, or someone, will answer them! Very nice, very descriptive, loved it;)

Thanks everyone! The dialogue was intended to convey the details (though somewhat vague to maintain suspense)that her son and his father (Hale) disappeared nearly twenty years ago. He believed he was protecting their son, she believed he couldn't protect him adequately. The mystery is in the question, 'protect him from whom or what?' I had attempted to keep some cards in the deck, to build questions and suspense.

It did all that, and very well. I guess my question is, if Evelyn's been searching for Hale and Paul for 20 years, why is she so remarkably subdued when Hale finally shows up on her doorstep? (Before she finds out that Paul's dead.) There must have been a scene before this where Evelyn tracks down Hale and the **** hits the fan...

I see what you mean when I read this crystalfoo. It is an intense story and keeps the reader wondering. I look forward to more.

I guess I hoped that her [Evelyn] character would be what defines her reactions. She's not going to do anything like you or I. She is an older woman from old money; think deep South, refined, charming, and yet scathing and manipulating. You know the type; she walks around with a tinkling high ball in her hand every evening after seven...? This is not to say she isn't emotional; she just wouldn't dare lose her composure. She shows complete bafflement (and anger and pain) that Hale shows up on her doorstep; but she is not the lady to start a jerry springer screaming match on the doorstep. It's just not done. She references control several times; her own and that over others.
This was NOT meant to be a deep, soul searching chapter; it was meant to define a good charcter or two, add a mystery, set up a problem-for the chance that it may be mashed. ;) Thanks for reading it guys-I'm still lagging behind on my own reading here...Foo

Well done! I give it a solid 4. I absolutely LOVED the restrain of the high-class southern lady, with her cool politeness toward Mr. Hale at the beginning, and then her biting words when she cut off his apology. I think I've known a few people like this. :-) I really enjoyed it - good luck!

And I forgot to say that I loved Jefferson. It says a lot about Ms. Dupree that she not only considers him family, but also gets offended when Mr. Hale doesn't greet him! Well done.

I really liked the southerngentelwoman - and believe you brought her personality through very well. The reiteration of "control" did well to show her inner battle. I liked her outburst at the end - very appropriate for the news she was given, and I agree, outrage and disbelief is quite plausible.
The ending didn't come as too much of a surprise, but the mystery of "whom and what" is very clear, and makes me look forward to seeing more. The part about the appreciation in Mr. Hale's eyes seemed redundant - (at least in how it was worded) and didn't fit well with the feel of the chapter around it. However, I understand why you put it in there, and really don't have any suggestions for it!
I felt that she cut him off too soon. How did she know that he was apologizing or making excuses? Would she have really lost her composire that soon, before even giving him a chance to explain his sudden appearance after so many years? I could see him trying to open with the obvious begining of an apology, and then having her cut him off. Aside from that, I thought it was well written. 3.5 stars.

I couldn't relate to Ms. Dupree. She was so cold. I didn't really connect with the story but it was written really well.

Watch your grammar--small errors are ridiculously distracting.

By the second page (when I printed it out, it was the second page, anyway), you're losing me. I need to know what the deal is with these two characters to keep me on board and committed to reading.

I need some build-up to finding out that this Paul character is dead. As it is, it seems to come out of nowhere.

I have to say that I definitely enjoyed the ending of your chapter.

Overall, good job.