Discussion of "When Bad Things Taste Good-Ch.2- "Pie"" by crystalfoo

Ok~so I gave it a shot. That was pretty hard to follow up dd11. I couldn't advance much plot; I was trying pretty hard to figure out how this guy walks and talks. ;)Foo

Pretty good follow up. And ya you didn't advance the plot much. But it seems good enough...4.5!!!!

LOL. I had to point this out...their was an ad for key lime pie at the top of the story. It took me a while to stop the chuckles! :D

lol! I've seen some pretty funny ads when reading chapters too. You are right, it doesn't advance the plot. But since this is not a contest, per se, and there isn't a limit on chapters, I used this one to familiarize myself with that kind of style and to sort of get into this characters head.

I love it! You got right into this character's head (which was not easy, I know, I have a failed attempt in my recycle bin). Sickeningly funny and he never lights the cigarette, that's the best part;) Great job!!

Thanks! It was a real pain in the bum to figure out how to write this fella! lol. I figured the smoke was such a defining characteristic for Eddie that maybe it should wait until all is said and done before he earns that cig.

As the firing squad takes aim!

Yes! Exactly. I nominate you. Finish it. lol

Crystalfoo I have seen that you have a good following here at SM so I wanted to read more of your work and comment.

Your writing style is very good. I liked you addition to TSNK and I liked your mash here as well. Your chapter did a fine job of following after dogdeity, which is not easy at all. He is a **** genius.

I hope one day we can collaborate on something together.

Again, welcome back.....

This is well deserving of a 5 vote from me....

Wow! Thanks for the compliments blackhand! I appreciate the vote! This really isn't indicative of my writing; suffice it to say, I am always intrigued by dog and the stuff he cranks out. I just wanted to see if I could try to come with something that followed his lead. If I can squeeze some time tonight, I'll read up on your submissions. Thanks again! Foo

I gave you and dogdeity both 5's. However, your chapter had a more manicured air to it. I really dig that. I mean it sounded like a real first person novel...it had the look, too. Bravo.

thank thank you...;)

Hey FOO~ YEA! This was so perfect. I absolutely loved it. I actually liked that it didn’t advance the plot too significantly. This whole experience just seems like it should fester along slowly. Like even though there is this world of **** happening all around our character, all these crimes and people searching for him…he just sort of plods along at his own pace. I thought the cigarette bit was genius. I hope the character continues to just let it hang from his mouth and never smoke it.
I also agree with one of the previous posters, this had a real good rhythm and flow to it. Reading mine back now sort of feels like a rough draft character sketch compared to yours. I really love the way you craft a chapter!
This was just one of the many sentences that made me cheer:
“ The stuff that stains is up in the attic, in my belfry and God be damned if there aren’t bats. Bats **** everywhere.”

Ahh, thanks Dog, but seriously, it's your baby! I just wanted to rock it a little...lol! I too like that this guys just pokes along in his own little screwed up world.
He can't smoke the cigg. Not yet. Not until he earns it. ;)
Mash it again, Dog, for chapter four. Show us the way (and the signifigance of eleven.)

An awesome continuation here foo, going along perfectly with dog's start. You nailed the character and his way of thinking particularly well. Good stuff here.