Not really a stretch, Wolfram. I happen to have a precocious 9 year old! "Like, Mom! I can't take it anymore, like, I just wanna, like, strangle my little brother!" lol (arrgggh)

Thanks-I don't know jack about the FBI either-just making it up as I go...lol!

Ahh wolf--lol! Try to cut him some slack...;) It's really quite brilliant to skip all the b.s. and do what the first chapter led up to...all before the first words of chapter two are read. Brevity is key in a five round contest. (we've done one of these before-remember? who knows how much unnecessary crapola would've slunk it's way into this storyline via a predictable, plodding chapter-lol) Not only that, but I wasn't all that invested in that character-she wasn't fleshed out and with limited chapters she might never have been. ;) Lol...just gotta razz ya a little bit-wolf,and remark that I think this is my fave in this round.

Yes, thank you agg. I thought it was okay to do so, and I rather like the storyteller pov sometimes. It seemed to fit what I wanted to do anyway.

Wooo hoo Wolf!~nice chapter! I always like the way to pace yourself to your cliff hanger. It's clear and definitive and steady.
I think Jake's dialogue was well written, very well written, but it is about 2 or 3 years older than he should be. (but that's not a deal breaker-just a minor age discrepancy) I like the history of our protagonist, but I wanted history into her family's death and how she came to be a stooge of the FBI. That doesn't detract, however. You write so strongly that it's just an alternative. Good stuff Wolfram-like usual!

Thanks hebe-;) I know the rule-don't know why I do that sometimes. It's a blind spot for me, when I'm grammer checking my work. ;)
Thanks wolf, for the kind words. I wish I'd made it longer-could've done more with plot. I was afraid it would be too long, though. Hindsight-gotta love it. ;)

I think suicidal people often toy with the notion of death but are essentially afraid of doing so. It's more comforting to talk themselves into it, to use it as a threat on themselves and when push comes to shove, they find an exuse not to do it. Ten years of self loathing is understandable for a woman who lost her child and husband, and blames herself. I don't know if it's believable or not, that the FBI would send someone deep under cover and drop contact for safety reasons...I thought it was. ;) Not much about this storyline is believable anyway...lol. I wouldn't be surprised if the sinister plot was a basement full of rogue dwarves. (ohhh, that might not be too bad...! LOL)
Foo

Welcome to SM! Your chapter is nicely written, and you had a unique idea with the graveyard of youth. That brings up interesting questions. There are some filler passages like the shower scene, the mother coming for her child, the flashback to Lucy, that weren't necessary. Or I should say, in the right place. You want to grab the reader right away, so shower scenes and flashbacks are not the best place to start. Dialogue, and/or action is the place to start. The chapter would have been stronger had you opened with the graveyard scene (early Sat. morn?). After her sudden realization that all the dead in the cemetary are young, it would have been more profound to hear Amy telling Ms. B that she no longer sleeps, that something is wrong with her. Ms. B and the reader would suddenly begin to see little Amy headed for the cemetary and it would have been an easier connection to make. Overall, you did a fine job of mashing chapter one! I give it a 3 and I'm looking forward to reading more from you in the future! Foo

Agg-Good story. I appreciate that your chapter had clear direction and plodded to it's cliff hanger with steady pacing. It was somewhat predictable; a quarter of the way in I had an idea where you were headed with this. (except for the children appearing on the street-out of the dark. That was a chilling little visual!) But being predictable isn't always a bad thing ;) I just like a few surprises now and again. I liked the cliffhanger last line-always strong to end with dialogue. There was the use of words like "about", "just", and "like" etc that give some of your passages the feel of a magazine article. (that can happen easily when writing in 1st pov). It wasn't too often, but an example would be, "...I just wanted to get into comfy clothes..." and "...about as flimsy as a paper nail." Those words really only work in diaglogue-By ommiting them entirely (except from dialogue) it tightens the writing and makes the narrative voice more certain and clear. What you do very well is pace yourself-I enjoy that and readers enjoy that. Good job and good luck! 4 from me, Foo.

Don't throw in the towel yet, WR. ;)