Discussion of "Android ballet chapter 2" by clockworkgirl

Nice continuation. I think a lot of people wish to see the next chapter.

Thank you! I am having alot of fun with this!

2.5 stars. The problems with spelling and punctuation persist, as does the timeframe issue. If several chapters will be devoted to the production of the android, then the first paragraph of Chapter 1 should have been longer- in fact, it should have been the end of the chapter.
Your haughty dialogue of before has given way to a well-acquainted sarcasm that is far too often (and many times, unknowingly,) applied by writers to ALL of their characters.

I can assure you, I've been guilty of it, too.

Hmm... The clockworks. That's a great subplot that you've unfortunately wrapped up in one brief paragraph. I would've loved to read four to five chapters, just devoted to clockwork heists. You would've had another opportunity to introduce new characters: law enforcement officials, rich members of society, black market suppliers of... I don't know, robbery supplies? Stuff like that.

Finally: realistically speaking, six weeks is far too soon for the development of a working endoskeleton. (I'm guessing that you meant endoskeleton.) Initial drawings could've been ready, maybe, but Simonson should've still been spending exhaustingly tedious nights awake in his laboratory, solving problems of robotic engineering.

I'm assuming, of course, that you prefer for this story to proceed for more than only a few chapters. I could be way off base, and misunderstanding your intentions.

Oh well. It is, after all, a workshop site and now you have my advice. I hope you continue with this.

The story is designed to have a very light hearted feel, I really enjoy starting stories in the middle and working backwards I feel it is more dramatic. As for spelling and grammer mistakes, I'm not always my own best editor. thanks for reading and for the advice.

Hi there! I was a bit disappointed at this chapter. I think you are attempting to cover way to much in such a short time span. The first chapter covered one evening and then the all of a sudden in the second we've jumped six weeks and have a working robot. I like all of the elements you added, I just wish they had each been developed more. This story has so much potential, don't rush it:)

I feel inclined to agree, I think I got excited about the ideas, and went a bit too quickly, thanks for reading.

I actually thought it was written rather well. It was smooth reading, and that's what attracted me to it to begin with. I am a little sorry I tried to write in your story so soon...I didn't know you weren't finished with the chapter! I'm new to this.

I look forward to reading more of what you've written!