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Discussion of "Jakob's Run" by TornConcious


1 TornConcious 7 months, 2 weeks ago Reply

My first chapter, hope you enjoy.


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2 The--maggot 7 months, 2 weeks ago Reply

very nice :) hope you add more!


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1 TornConcious 7 months, 2 weeks ago Reply

Thank you


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2 lamexicanita86 7 months, 2 weeks ago Reply

It has promise. This is quite an action-packed beginning. You could tighten it up quite a bit by replacing the "to be" verbs and making the descriptions more concise.


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1 TornConcious 7 months, 2 weeks ago Reply

Thank you for your input :)


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