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Discussion of "Jakob's Run" by TornConcious

1		TornConcious 7 months, 2 weeks ago Reply My first chapter, hope you enjoy.
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2		The--maggot 7 months, 2 weeks ago Reply very nice :) hope you add more!
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1		TornConcious 7 months, 2 weeks ago Reply Thank you
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2		lamexicanita86 7 months, 2 weeks ago Reply It has promise. This is quite an action-packed beginning. You could tighten it up quite a bit by replacing the "to be" verbs and making the descriptions more concise.
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1		TornConcious 7 months, 2 weeks ago Reply Thank you for your input :)
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