Discussion of "Elfin: Chapter 1 A Waking World Part 1" by TornConcious
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writerwannabe 3 months, 2 weeks ago
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Very good story start, TC. I liked how you've begun developing Hayden's character and the narrative and dialogue were excellent. What I didn't like was in the first paragraph starting with "Our story begins....". Nope. The story began with, "Something floated in the air....". The former quote is extraneous, distracting...um, and dare I say, amateurish? Yes. Otherwise, very, very good writing and story development. |
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