Discussion of "TSNK- Ch 6" by Laughmf

I like this:
"like red paint drying on a barn"

I'm a sucer for similies

sucker, sucker, sucker! Arg!

Well first of all this was slightly short...and we only have 10 chapters...so any short chapter should at least pack tons of action..but their is only one thing that occurs here and that is Adara deciding to tell the police about the picture. Yet Adara already ruled doing that out almost exactly at the moment she saw it.

laughmf, I agree that it is far too short, and really serves as a re-cap, not offering much in the way of forward momentum or a continued sense of suspense or menace. The writing is fine, just introduce new concepts early in the chapter and makes it much longer to give your ideas some life to back them up :-)

too short

Well written and great summary of the recent events in the story. It was a very believable thought process for Adara. I just think this could have been a very good section of a bigger chapter that incorporated maybe Adara's conversation with the police or other events to start leading to unraveling this mystery, especially now that the story is past the halfway mark already! What you have is great, I'd just love to have seen more!- actually that's a good thing! (lol)
Chloe

I hate to sound like a broken record, but this chapter is entirely too short. You have nice detail in your writing, but I would definitely suggest elongating your stories so that people can really get into the story.

My thoughts are similar to everyone else's...it is far too short. It's a shame, really. You had direction and seemed to be leading up to something. Would love to see more from you in the future.

Nothing happens to advance the storyline...unfortunately, it didn't make me eager to read further -- there is no forward momentum. And there is really no justification for why Adara would choose to (in this chapter) show the picture.

Terrific opening!! I was hooked.

Proofread! Your grammar was shaky in some places.

Overall, I have to echo what others have said: this is WAY TOO SHORT! It doesn't do much to further the plot...which is too bad, because it's nicely written.

I look forward to seeing what you write for SM in the future!

This is way too short. The only thing that really happened was Adara’s decision to show the police the picture with Methra. I found that odd since she had expressly decided not to do so in the previous chapter. Had there been more description of internal conflict on Adara’s part, agonizing over the decision, I could have bought it. I like your writing though, hope to see more of it next time:)