Discussion of "A Friend Indeed" by Jackoalltrades

I made a slight character detail deviation. Donald has a secretary which probably means he's not working in a cubicle. My mistake.

No problem - we'll just play it as a pool secretary/receptionist. Very good continuation... I won't get to mash your thread immediately, but it's forthcoming.

OK - I added to the other side. I'll start on this thread in a bit.

Aside from separation from the first person in the original "Suffocating Head Trip" I enjoy the direction you are taking here. Nice work and good job keeping interest.

I'm amazed at the way you are all keeping this story going in almost the same tempo and writing style. It's really quite good. The plot thickens and poor Donald is in for a rough ride, I think...lol. Another 4 mark.

Nice pick-up from the prior story, but I think it's a bit too blah. It needs to breathe. It needs to start going somewhere (minus the mysterious phone calls).

I'm surprised with all the discussion of the change from the original first person to third person that no one has commented on how this chapter switches to third person present tense, when the story has been running along in third person past tense. I like how the story continues to flow in this thread, and since I'm getting ready to jump in with my first mashing I'm going to stick with this one. Wish me luck.