All Comments by Jackoalltrades

Well I can honestly say that I can't wait for my chapter. This is gonna be great! With great luck, no one will make it too serious in the meanwhile, because this has such fantastic comic potential.

Well done!

That's the way to do it.

Actually giving life to the Fairy bones. I like it. Was personally staying away from that particular plot possibility to try something new, but yours worked it, short and sweet.

Hmmm no contestants eh? I guess that would make me a shoo-in? Gimme a day or two to get all the background info and another day or so to formulate my mash, and I'll try and make it worthy. Have patience, there are still some of us willing to challenge the leaderboard.

Blackhand, only have 1 correction and someone already pointed it out. "Irregardless" isn't a word. But other than that, your piece creeped me out to the extreme. Excellently written, and you're right about the MHP. You have to know sane and insane, and mister, you write insane well enough indeed.

Never tried comedy before. Could be interesting. Put me down for a spot Honeygloom, if there are spots left to be had.

An interesting little piece. I felt the setting left a little to be desired. The character's on the sand, but the rocky sand of a lake beach or the soft sun-warmed sand of the ocean? Of course, it could just be that the character was too drunk to pay close enough attention. Not your best piece, but certainly an interesting beginning.

Greetings All,

I'm Jackoalltrades, though I prefer Jack with my friends here on SM. Quicker to write. Anyway, I'm a college student in North Carolina (though I'm a New Jersey transplant) who generally has a lot of time on his hands, and then loses all that time, so I get streaks on SM where I tear it up and then disappear for a month or two. Writing is my first love, and though I tend to focus on fantasy storylines, I've been known to switch it up and mash various other genres of plotlines. I've been writing since about the age of 5, and I remember getting odd looks from my 8th grade english teacher about a creative short story about skeletons attacking me while playing Age of Empires. That was a fun one to create.

I'm a prodigious reader of fantasy and SciFi, though I began with the Hardy Boys and Tom Clancy and Jack Higgins. I always enjoy choosing random stories to glance through, and it has generally proven an effective method to find the diamonds in the rough..Aladdin reference anyone? I'm also a gigantic movie buff, which means I have a tendency to pick through character builds and plotlines from all the movies and books I immerse myself in.

I look forward to spending another streak on SM for a while, and I can't wait to get cracking on a few more chapters of my Trader Chronicles. Excellent series, I recommend to all ;)

Remember, your imagination is your soul. So don't be boring.

Jack

This was very amusing. I enjoyed it greatly. I liked the play style it was written in, and the story was interesting, to say the least. Why rob Tom Brady, besides the fact that he's absurdly well off? Your characters were superb, and their interaction was colorful and playful and just a lot of fun to read.

An interesting collection of thoughts...knowing human nature we will most likely be the conquerors, or at least the attempted conquerors.

I don't actually think I'll switch off our beloved heroes quite yet. I have some fun ideas for the group that I'll run with before introducing the baddies.

Chapter 10 of my Trader Chron is up for your approval o Master of Critique. Hope you enjoy.

Interesting. I really like it. Can't really think of anything to critique. The details are excellent, the story is new, the pace is even. This is a pretty solid piece of work. Well done. I hope you continue this. I enjoy being creeped out :)

By the way guys, you've made my week with your positive feedback. Seriously. I fell asleep last night with a grin on my face because someone enjoyed this story as much as I did :)

Hmmm that's not a bad idea, looking back at it. I'll make sure to keep that in mind.

After rereading it, I did use "had" way too many times. Thanks for the input Dog.

No worries Dog. This is one I care about. I don't plan on rushing a bunch of chapters. This one I plan to keep clean and pristine.

Okay guys, you've convinced me. Since you two seem to be the first to read all the way through and comment, I'll try my absolute damndest to put out some more exciting chapters. Hopefully they'll live up to your expectations. Give me a few days, and we'll see what happens.

The flashback was one chapter, at least handwritten. SM's word count caused me to edit that.

Haha a child of the Gods poem? I like it.

An impressively written rant. Much darker than something I wrote advocating the need for imagination..perhaps you read it. I liked the style and the flow. Felt very natural, liking I was listening to you speak...prosaically. Makes one think.

Interesting. I like it. I thought some of the dialogue could have been formatted a little more cleanly. Some thoughts meshed together, made it minorly difficult to follow once or twice. ALl good in the end though. I'd like to see more. Nice work.

This was alright. Not brilliant, but I liked the names. Those were cool. There were some issues with spelling and some grammar points though, that you should check. I give it a 3.

Well, I liked the last line. "We are the backspace team." Made me chuckle. And although Wizardknows didn't particularly like it, the choppy writing style fit for the theme. And yes, I'm sure I enjoyed it. Even read it again :P

Glad to have such a varied panel examining the contest pieces. I would say welcome, but I guess most of you have been here longer than I :P I don't envy your position though. Enjoy everything that comes your way.

I enjoyed this piece tremendously. Gave me a feel of V's soliloquy in V for Vendetta. Very poetic, very metered sentences. There some grammar issues here and there, forgotten words that didn't detract from the story per se, merely the delivery. A well thought-out piece of work that was extremely entertaining. Well done!

I dunno why no one has commented on this piece. I loved it. Easily one of my favorite chapters on StoryMash, up to the part of the abusive father figure. The two children were marvelous characters, and I commend you for their excellent development. The story had a great voice and I hope other people come to see it. Great job.

Personally, I felt drawn into it. At least, into the conflict. Yea, there wasn't much detail, but I felt that merely made you imagine it more. Made you feel as if it were you, and someone you knew. Made it feel more personal. The lack of dialogue didn't really bother me at all. Writing doesn't require it. Plus, there were portions that were internal dialogue. The narrator justifying things to himself. So I thought it was an interesting piece.

Ineresting. I don't think the title really fits, at least, not all the way through. And the formatting was a little screwy. Probably not your fault though. Course, looking back, it is almost step-like, so it could be a kind of visual cue to the stepping stone analogy? Or maybe I'm reading way too much into it. That happens at times.
I like the way you break up the sentence structures. Keeps a good pace. I'm not sure if this is supposed to be autobiographical or not, but if not, then maybe a name would be nice. Not necessary, since I've used the same technique in some chapters of mine. Overall, not too shabby.

Although "is" does get used a lot, I don't think it's used inappropriately. I'm also not quite sure where replacing "is" with "are" would be beneficial to the telling. I rather enjoyed the story, and the idea particularly. Couldn't find much to critique, except you could probably break it up a little bit more. Or at least make the breaks a little easier to see. that might have just been the formatting. Anyway, good job. I like it.

Made me smile too Imadj. It certainly resonates with me. Plus I've tripped over the dog's water bowl many times so I know the feeling. Enjoyed this immensely.

Tried to keep this one kinda short and open-ended. I couldn't really think of where to take the female character, so I'm hoping someone else thinks of a good mash.

That was really creepy, but I'm with everyone else. It was awesome. Though the name, Wesley Sells, makes me think of another writer on here by the moniker "wsells"....that freaks me out a little bit. Hopefully there is no relation :P Anyway, very pretty piece of writing, and by pretty I mean macabre and excellent. Good job.

Also the title made me think of The Venture Bros....:P

Yea, the kind of obvious statements are more an internal narrative...I guess that's kinda obvious too. Just how he justifies it to himself.

So get up at 7? :P I actually kinda liked the imagery. And the fact that you managed to write something about writer's block was interesting...especially if you were trying to work around it.

Had me a little choked up Powerfulpen. By the way, like the moniker. Anyway, there was just one little part that made me blink and that was the part where the wife's Lexus crashed and then some truck ends up in her back seat...except someone's F-150 starts...was the F-150 the husband's? Might just be I didn't read it correctly.

Holy crap, no one deserves employment more than these two. Solidly, two of the best writers here, in my humble opinion. I'll be more than glad to have these two "directing content" or whatever they will actually do. I'm sure they'll do great. Congrats you two!

Creepy as hell honeygloom. I loved it! I actually glanced around after reading this, it was that good. And the phrasing...To say it was superb does not even begin to cover it. Sheesh, that was just freaking awesome! And I'm pretty sure I won't sleep tonight now :P

Would you be willing to mash it? I need some help continuing this. I have some ideas, but the ones I have right now don't really mesh well with the story as it stands now. I ask because you're an excellent writer (does flattery help my case? ;) and because you're the only one to really have read this story :P

Why would one bar their soul when writing poetry? :P But baring the soul is definitely the way to go. And yes, I am a sarcastic ****, but I do so out of love :)

You're too hard on yourself. I mean, it's no Robert Frost or Walt Whitman, but I still liked it. The way you cut up the words at the end was a nice touch. I enjoyed the ending very much.

As always Dog, very impressive. I always enjoy reading your works. And I see you caught most of the errors you had in the other version of this one. Can't give ya much of a critique, which is something coming from an editor-personality.

This chapter definitely hit the spot in the story. Magnificently crafted and a perfect connection for the next part of the story. Also kinda left it open to be good news, which will hurt even worse. Bravo my friend.

Now if only Psycho would get his write on...nudge nudge

Thanks honeygloom. I didn't think people were really reading this. I was just kinda going on out of my own curiosity. Thanks for the grammar point.

You live while existing. Existing, in the manner I use the word, means merely going through life without joy or excitement, without imagination. Life, contrarily, I'm defining as existing WITH joy and excitement, filled with imagination. So show people how to imagine again :)

Geez Dude, way to jerk some tears. Magnificently written, though it seems the story has stalled unfortunately. As always, I'm impressed by your astonishing ability to capture a scene. I'm downright jealous in fact.

Just thought maybe it would be day 14, since he was in the church on day 10 and then broke up the bank robbery and disappeared for a few days. Only thing I could see that could use some explanation.

A decent addition to the story line. I like the idea of having a"real talk" but as you said, if you don't think he is a Christian, why send him to a cathedral? I have to agree with whoever said this wasn't the most compelling chapter, but it was a good idea.

Also, is conversate an actual verb? I thought it was "converse." Just a little thing that made me look again.

Attracted to your story from the title...as you can guess why I'm sure. I'm a big fan of murder mysteries and this one is very well developed. I liked the Pendragon character name. Nice job.

Loved it. "I am Dichotomy." Great line. Well done, really well done.

As I haven't read anything else before this by you Boobiewalker, I had no preconceptions of raping and pillaging, hallucinating like Anne Heche...which is a very strange analogy. Anyway, an excellent addition to the story. Can't add much more than anyone else already has except for another Good Job.

I thought the beginning was amazing. The "pained thought patterns", as Dog said, were an amazing touch. I absolutely loved the different connections to the number 7. Superbly written.

I'm actually extremely intimidated to contribute to this story when it comes to my turn.

Houlgrave, you're Devil is scary. I mean like child-wetting-the-bed-nightmarish scary. He's also probably the best written Devil character I've ever run across. Well done. I have to agree that the disconnect from breakfast to the dream sequence does detract a bit, but on its own, a great chapter to the story.

I was a little confused as to whether or not the cowboy scene in the bar actually happened. Was that one of the dreams brought on by the tumor? That was really the only thing that threw me. It didn't help that I was already off balance from WWB's chapter but this one easily brought tears to my eyes. I have to agree with everyone else in saying that this chapter was magnificently written.

Two words -- Holy ****! No pun intended. Shock and awe indeed. Man, that was out there. You seriously don't run into this kind of stuff very often. Dark, messy, and frightening as hell, but ultimately, supremely written. The best writing makes you feel something unexpected, and I felt uncomfortable as hell WWB. Well done.

Sure, why not. Just let me know when it's my turn.

A story based on truth? From an author? No way! Haha you did well with it. I wouldn't mind reading some follow-ups. I'm pretty sure I couldn't do this justice with my own mash.

I'm glad it made you think WSells. That is indeed the important thing. The desolation it conjured for you was pretty close, just not of war...unless considering the expression "All's fair in love and war" in which case you're right on.

Enjoyed this one immensely. The character development proceeded at a good pace and the story itself is just too funny.

I have to agree with the crowd: Prof. Kilbor is a good character with a lot of potential. I didn't really focus on why his job was in jeopardy, but more on his own emotional involvement in the students' relationship. They both could be filled out a bit.

An impressive bit of work. I really like the idea. The imagery is fantastic! Good job.

*shiver* That's creepy. I like it! Gives me a kind of David Baldacci feel. A little spell checking is in order though.

An interesting prospect. I kinda like it. And the generalities were very PC of you :P Look forward to reading more about Feliciano Cortese.

I like it wsells. You could easily have a lot of fun with this.

This is a good segway (sp?) Thanks for the help.

Nice turn Shadow. I like where you took it. Hopefully I can do it justice.

I like it Shadow. This will be fun, me thinks.

Creepy Cheeseliker. But very well written. I like how you didn't let him die.

I rather enjoyed this bit. It was amusing. Wouldn't win a Pulitzer but it was still a funny bit of prose nonetheless.

I wasn't planning to, leaving it out there for someone else to take a crack at it, but now I feel challenged to develop it a bit.

I made a slight character detail deviation. Donald has a secretary which probably means he's not working in a cubicle. My mistake.

Something amusing that occurred to me. As a joke:
This new global language, however, was a farce. When spoken backwards, it proclaimed the everlasting glory and superiority of Satan. Mwahahaha

:P

That's so cool. I like how the shadow does things. That's really awesome. I love how the character has to struggle with the several different aspects of her personality, especially the irritated part about the Seuss items massacre. I really enjoyed that.

We just keep swapping lines. Like now, I'll work on Friend in Need and you work on Sought. Then after we post those chapters, I got back to Sought and you continue Friend in Need. So we just keep swapping chapters on the story line. Mix it up, ya know?

I kinda like honeygloom's idea. otherwise, it was a pretty nice continuation. The shoes were definitely a surprise, considering how spooky this story is getting. But maybe, MAYBE, the shoes lead him to be a hero combating some forces of dryer darkness...like lint that sticks to the inside of your clothes or the fabric softener sheets that you can never seem to find til you're in public.

I like the Utopian ideal..yet I see potential for a particularly disastrous story. I mean that in a good way. Like the whole world unites, and then It's-On just brainwashes them or something. Or possibly some kind of Utopia/Dystopia thing like in Equilibrium. or the beginnings of a galactic empire...So many choices. I might have to mash this just to narrow them down. Good work.

Again, I love it. Never really thought anyone could resurrect Gilligan's Island, but I'm glad they did. Congrats OS on a well-written piece.

Nice move ShadowMan. It certainly seems we had similar thoughts about continuing this one. Maybe we should build off each other's? That would be interesting.

That's pretty sweet. Nice finish.

I love the last line. "Now, I am left with Ramen noodles, God's gift to the poor and desperate." Classic! The rest of the chapter was extremely well-written. Just great. Good job!

5 for you

Man I love this concept. It seems my random story searching is paying off. That's pretty crazy, and I love the "Fantasy Island" setting. The Gilligan's Island reference was perfect. Continued to be impressed.

It felt like a writer in some MMORPG...it was unreal. But I really enjoyed the style and flow of the story.

I just had a thought about contest entries. This could help to sidestep some problems regarding retaliation and whatnot. Why not, when stories are submitted to the contest, keep them anonymous? Have the author name available to the author and SM, but not have it posted on the general feed? Then you have no idea who wrote what, so you can't focus on a particular favorite author. Then, after that particular contest is over, you can just reveal the names.
I realize that is probably a lot of work and programming time. But it might be a way around some of the voting discrepancies.
Also, just overall, perhaps a "Random Chapter" kind of thing would be good. I do like the comparison idea, but being a StumpleUpon user (which is how I found SM), I like being able to push a button and being completely surprised. It would expose readers to every kind of author, plus you could make a smaller version for contest entries, thereby getting that sample that Raven was talking about. Just some ideas. I don't know how much programming effort that would require (probably a lot) but those are just some thoughts.

Always impressed Dog. Raw and edgy are good ways of describing this. However, I have to agree with RavenLebeau. Continue this one. I believe only your distinctive writing style can really do this justice.

Well, that just sounds like a sucky ending to a sucky day for Patrick. I like the playwright style of the writing. A good way to mix it up.

As usual, Dogdeity sums it up nicely. The break from reality/out-of-body experience (was it?) was pretty sweet.
And the way you hit the reader with that mind f*** of an ending. Like a literary cannonball smacking you in the face, but in a good way.
Keep it coming.

I'm frightened...haha Nice work. You definitely freak the hell out of the reader fast and hard.

I gave ya a 4 Psycho, because I like the following chapters a bit better. This is a great start, though a little anticlimactic for me (as I had already read the next several installments). Overall though, this is a great story.

"And your personal Rambo?" Haha I like it.

A little bit of edit would be nice, but I have hit the publish button instead of edit before, so I know it happens. Interesting intro. I'm curious to find out who is dying and why.

Phew, that's intense. I felt like I was reading one of those dime store murder mysteries that are always entertaining. Great work. And I have to agree with Dogdeity about the Rex scene. "Masterfully done" indeed. You have a gift for imagery.

I like the description of the fat man. 'Bulbous lips' was a nice touch. Keep this one coming.

Enh, I thought this one was only okay. It felt like you rushed to get this chapter out Cheeseliker, and didn't put as much effort into it. I liked the first chapter a better. The ending seemed a bit cliche, though depending on where you go with it, it could be just the touch it needs.
I didn't vote since I hate giving mediocre votes to good writers, but let's see what you do with it.

That's quite a challenge Rumor. But at least you have plenty of topics to test that particular interest here.

Give us your best story-made-poem. Looking forward to it. (And let us judge. Remember, we are our own worst enemies.)

I'm with Cheeseliker. I like the idea of ending a story. Having a separate submission forum or database (whatever it is) where the writers are forced to conclude a story after a set number of chapters would be a very interesting challenge.

Will the black-clad femme mystique be Matt's "cool girl"? Does the future hold a hook up for him, or something slightly less pleasant?

I like the way this chapter proceeded. Fairly realistic, and Matt's attitude is enjoyably real.

And if his clothes get dry, will he need them?

I enjoy the dialogue, but the setting and writing style is a tad simplistic. Perhaps some more sophisticated description would add to the devastating effect of the male character's disease.

Haha I kind of like it. Interesting writing strategy.

It's certainly an interesting concept. This could be the end, but that would be a disappointing cliffhanger in my opinion. I'd very much like to see what this dog demon is becoming.

Just as a sidenote: is it just me or did some of the description that was so vivid in the past chapters seem slightly absent in this one?

So far so wonderful.
Stupid quack veterinarian. And that was a smart move putting the ointment under the couch. Very clever.
I just keep reading, and I just keep enjoying.

That crazy cat haha I'm really enjoying the continued story of History. Though Ulysses probably thinks he's the cat from Hell or something, since nothing seems to make sense around him.

I'm really loving the use of human language. First the boss's Elmer Fudd impression and now Skeletor's accent. They just make me smile. Keep that detail :)

Just managed to read this, and I'm very glad I did. The beginning was slightly morbid, but nonetheless extremely well written.
I definitely look forward to reading more about that crazy cat. Keep up the great work.

A little bit of editing is slightly in need, but overall this was amusing. A good quick laugh.

Well, this is something I've been working on for a few years off and on. I'll continue to post what I've written, and if you see anywhere where you might like to branch off, by all means have at it. I look forward to seeing how the story develops from a different perspective.

Greetings and G'Day,

I like Cheeseliker's thoughts about old submissions. Perhaps if there were a "Random Story" feature or something similar, that would help bring the old pieces to new light. As it is, it is rather difficult to go searching for new works since I haven't found an easily-searchable list/database.

For the contest, I'm a fan of all the suggestions. NateG's charity idea is a nice touch. I'm all for implementing the other suggestions as well, including DogDeity's Fave 5 list. That I would enjoy immensely.

Looking forward to more new ideas for Mash.

--Jack
"Nothing is true. Everything is possible."

Jesus! This story is creeping me out. But of course, that just adds to the enjoyment.

Just where does it go from here? And what's with the dream catchers?

This reminds me sort of "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest". It just might be the Asylum setting, though. Anyway, all I can say is "Damn!" That was fun to read. Creepy, but still a thrill. I enjoyed the dream catcher touch immensely.

That was impressive. The beginning masturbation scene with the sun was pretty vivid. That same detail doesn't quite reach the rest of the piece, but that's probably for the best, get the rest of the story across.

A masterful piece of fiction, though frighteningly realistic. You definitely earned your 5 stars.

Very interesting. Reminds me of the book "Mr. Sebastian and the Negro Magician"

The Devil insinuations are a tad simple, but I look forward to seeing what comes next.